“For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.”1 Thessalonians 4:14
I am still in disbelief, grieving my Momsie’s passing. I realize, however, that this disbelief stems from regret. I regret not having spent more time with her or showing up for her. I regret it in pretty much the same way I regretted not having spent much time with my Papa, my Lola and even my uncles. Spending quality time may not be my top love language, but God calls me “to redeem the time because the days are evil” (see Ephesians 5:15-16). God doesn’t waste any of my pains, even my regrets, and life is too short to wallow on regrets. Grief is hard but today I can make a choice. I can choose to honor the memory of these important people in my life by paying it forward.
From my Papa, I have learned to take responsibility for my own actions and choices. “You made your bed, you must lie on it,” he would say. Thank you, Papa. I miss you.
One of my uncles admonished me about my anger problem before: “Mabait ka naman eh, wag ka lang padaig sa galit.” Salamat po, Tito Banie.
My maternal grandmother, though she wasn’t as wordy as I am, taught me the value of persevering in prayer for the people we love. Lola Tutay, mahal kita.
My dearest Momsie Melanie who, in my U-turn days to Jesus, took me in and nurtured my fledgling, prodigal soul. Momsie humbly shared her 5 loaves and 2 fish to Jesus, and He faithfully multiplied it. She exemplified the inclusive love of Jesus, the love that doesn’t play favorites, His compassionate and gentle love that celebrates me for who I am – warts and all – and never gave up believing that I can become who God intends me to be. Salamatmuchee, Momsieee.
Even as I grieve and my heart is still in the process of healing and recovery, I will choose today, to honor the ones I love by being more present with those who are present with me. So help me God.
“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
ancore! 