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How do you keep your rational or thinking brain more active than your emotional brain? It’s a question I find myself pondering often, especially as I navigate the world of homeschooling and holistic growth.

As new parents in Classical Conversations, my husband and I are on a journey to raise our son in the classical way, fostering his love for learning in a supportive community. We aim to build Godly character and cultivate our son’s musical interests while building a strong foundation in history, math, science, arts, geography, and languages.

As an emotional, process-driven person, I often grapple with people-pleasing tendencies and the desire to fit in. It’s a struggle to consciously allow my rational thoughts to override my emotions.

A Bit of Clean Humor

My husband and I have come to a sort of agreement about ourselves: we’re kind of “misfits.” I like to think of us as knights-in-being-polished-armors. We feel comfortable being ‘commoners,’ and we don’t blend in with the royalty. Somehow, there were times we found ourselves unfit to fit in even among misfits. (Crickets chirping.)

But God.

Despite our social quirks, we embrace our uniqueness. We often find ourselves in situations where we want to engage but feel that familiar awkwardness creeping in. I’ve overcome people-pleasing tendencies in the past—I learned to be respectful without being overly concerned about others’ opinions. But like many things in life, I’ve regressed a bit.

What Would Jesus Do?

In a world that often rushes to speak, I look to Jesus as our ultimate example of how to engage in conversation. He was a master communicator—always ready to teach but equally willing to listen.

Jesus asked questions that sparked dialogue, inviting others to share their thoughts and feelings. He listened intently, demonstrating that every person’s voice matters. Whether it was a Samaritan woman at a well or a blind man seeking healing, He engaged with them personally, showing love and compassion through His presence and attention. He even engaged those who opposed Him!

Five Habits of Grammar

To support our conversations and understanding, allow me to practice the five habits of grammar: Naming, Attending, Memorizing, Expressing, and Storytelling.

1. Naming

I need to identify and articulate my feelings and thoughts during conversations. Am I seeking validation, understanding, or simply a connection? By naming my emotions, I can better understand my motivations and approach interactions more attentively.

2. Attending

The Latin word for “attend” is “attendere,” meaning to give attention to, heed, or focus on something. This involves being fully present and engaged with my son and others, setting aside distractions to truly listen.

During my son’s first face-to-face presentation, he started strong but got distracted, leading to a shortened presentation. Nevertheless, he insisted on finishing, showcasing his determination to share his thoughts. This reminded me of the importance of being engaged, especially in front of an audience.

I took my son for a walk in the park to avoid disrupting other learners. This highlighted the need to intentionally make time for nature walks and outdoor activities, which enhance our conversations, deepen our connections, and harness the huuuge energy of our little learner.

3. Memorizing

Remembering key lessons from conversations can help deepen our connections. I want to recall moments that have impacted me or my son, using them to reinforce the values of listening and understanding in our daily lives.

4. Expressing

I need to create a safe space within myself to share my thoughts and feelings while welcoming others. Without dampening my son’s confidence or altering his uniqueness, I need grace to balance my desire to be heard with the encouragement for him to share his voice.

5. Storytelling

Sharing our experiences can build connections and empathy. I want to tell stories that illustrate the importance of listening and understanding, both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. How can I encourage my son to share his stories and learn from others’ experiences, too?

The Lens of Scripture

James 1:19 (ESV): “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

This verse reminds me of the importance of listening more than I speak. Being quick to hear allows me to understand others better and respond thoughtfully. Jesus exemplified this through His interactions, always prioritizing the needs and thoughts of those He interacted with. He demonstrated patience and understanding, teaching me to approach conversations with love and humility.

As I navigate my journey of engaging with others, I want to embody this principle. I need to focus on truly listening to my son, my husband, and those in our community. While I have a need to be heard and understood—an essential part of my emotional growth—I also recognize the importance of guiding my child in developing effective listening skills.

By being slow to speak and slow to anger, I can foster an environment where genuine conversations flourish. This means setting aside my own thoughts and distractions to fully engage with those around me, just as Jesus did.

Let’s check on these three guide questions:

1. How can I practice active listening in my conversations this week while also ensuring my own voice is heard?

2. What specific distractions do I need to set aside to be more present during interactions with my son?

3. How can I model the balance of listening and expressing myself to guide my child in developing his listening skills?

In our journey of parenting and holistic growth, I’m learning to allow Jesus to fill my needs to cultivate relationships effectively. By reflecting on His example and applying the five habits of grammar, I aim to create an environment for my family and I to express ourselves and connect with others. This fosters intentional listening and engaging conversations, nurturing our love for learning and communication in a continuous cycle that strengthens our relationships and deepens our faith.

Let’s pray.

Father God, You are not slow in keeping Your promises. You are patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but for everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Please enable me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, specially in our family. Teach me to express my own thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can reflect Your grace in my interactions, creating a space where both I and those around me feel heard and valued. In Jesus’ name. Amen.