Parenting – ancore!

What do I know?

How do you keep your rational or thinking brain more active than your emotional brain? It’s a question I find myself pondering often, especially as I navigate the world of homeschooling and holistic growth.

As new parents in Classical Conversations, my husband and I are on a journey to raise our son in the classical way, fostering his love for learning in a supportive community. We aim to build Godly character and cultivate our son’s musical interests while building a strong foundation in history, math, science, arts, geography, and languages.

As an emotional, process-driven person, I often grapple with people-pleasing tendencies and the desire to fit in. It’s a struggle to consciously allow my rational thoughts to override my emotions.

A Bit of Clean Humor

My husband and I have come to a sort of agreement about ourselves: we’re kind of “misfits.” I like to think of us as knights-in-being-polished-armors. We feel comfortable being ‘commoners,’ and we don’t blend in with the royalty. Somehow, there were times we found ourselves unfit to fit in even among misfits. (Crickets chirping.)

But God.

Despite our social quirks, we embrace our uniqueness. We often find ourselves in situations where we want to engage but feel that familiar awkwardness creeping in. I’ve overcome people-pleasing tendencies in the past—I learned to be respectful without being overly concerned about others’ opinions. But like many things in life, I’ve regressed a bit.

What Would Jesus Do?

In a world that often rushes to speak, I look to Jesus as our ultimate example of how to engage in conversation. He was a master communicator—always ready to teach but equally willing to listen.

Jesus asked questions that sparked dialogue, inviting others to share their thoughts and feelings. He listened intently, demonstrating that every person’s voice matters. Whether it was a Samaritan woman at a well or a blind man seeking healing, He engaged with them personally, showing love and compassion through His presence and attention. He even engaged those who opposed Him!

Five Habits of Grammar

To support our conversations and understanding, allow me to practice the five habits of grammar: Naming, Attending, Memorizing, Expressing, and Storytelling.

1. Naming

I need to identify and articulate my feelings and thoughts during conversations. Am I seeking validation, understanding, or simply a connection? By naming my emotions, I can better understand my motivations and approach interactions more attentively.

2. Attending

The Latin word for “attend” is “attendere,” meaning to give attention to, heed, or focus on something. This involves being fully present and engaged with my son and others, setting aside distractions to truly listen.

During my son’s first face-to-face presentation, he started strong but got distracted, leading to a shortened presentation. Nevertheless, he insisted on finishing, showcasing his determination to share his thoughts. This reminded me of the importance of being engaged, especially in front of an audience.

I took my son for a walk in the park to avoid disrupting other learners. This highlighted the need to intentionally make time for nature walks and outdoor activities, which enhance our conversations, deepen our connections, and harness the huuuge energy of our little learner.

3. Memorizing

Remembering key lessons from conversations can help deepen our connections. I want to recall moments that have impacted me or my son, using them to reinforce the values of listening and understanding in our daily lives.

4. Expressing

I need to create a safe space within myself to share my thoughts and feelings while welcoming others. Without dampening my son’s confidence or altering his uniqueness, I need grace to balance my desire to be heard with the encouragement for him to share his voice.

5. Storytelling

Sharing our experiences can build connections and empathy. I want to tell stories that illustrate the importance of listening and understanding, both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. How can I encourage my son to share his stories and learn from others’ experiences, too?

The Lens of Scripture

James 1:19 (ESV): “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

This verse reminds me of the importance of listening more than I speak. Being quick to hear allows me to understand others better and respond thoughtfully. Jesus exemplified this through His interactions, always prioritizing the needs and thoughts of those He interacted with. He demonstrated patience and understanding, teaching me to approach conversations with love and humility.

As I navigate my journey of engaging with others, I want to embody this principle. I need to focus on truly listening to my son, my husband, and those in our community. While I have a need to be heard and understood—an essential part of my emotional growth—I also recognize the importance of guiding my child in developing effective listening skills.

By being slow to speak and slow to anger, I can foster an environment where genuine conversations flourish. This means setting aside my own thoughts and distractions to fully engage with those around me, just as Jesus did.

Let’s check on these three guide questions:

1. How can I practice active listening in my conversations this week while also ensuring my own voice is heard?

2. What specific distractions do I need to set aside to be more present during interactions with my son?

3. How can I model the balance of listening and expressing myself to guide my child in developing his listening skills?

In our journey of parenting and holistic growth, I’m learning to allow Jesus to fill my needs to cultivate relationships effectively. By reflecting on His example and applying the five habits of grammar, I aim to create an environment for my family and I to express ourselves and connect with others. This fosters intentional listening and engaging conversations, nurturing our love for learning and communication in a continuous cycle that strengthens our relationships and deepens our faith.

Let’s pray.

Father God, You are not slow in keeping Your promises. You are patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but for everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Please enable me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, specially in our family. Teach me to express my own thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can reflect Your grace in my interactions, creating a space where both I and those around me feel heard and valued. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Building A Plane on the Fly: Navigating Proverbs 12:1

As we embark on our homeschooling journey more intentionally, our family is learning about the importance of wisdom and discipline. My husband and I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I’m trusting that God is molding us through His Word and the experiences we see through the lens of Scripture.

For October 12, 2024, my son and I read Proverbs 12:1 — “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.” We were both surprised by the use of a ‘bad’ word. Why is it there?

In this post, I’ll practice the five habits of grammar* to make the concepts of wisdom and discipline more approachable.

1. What Do “Discipline” and “Wisdom” Really Mean?

Words like “discipline” and “wisdom” can feel heavy for young learners (and even old ones) so I’ll attempt to break them down into something we can understand.

First, let’s look into “stultus”, the Latin word for “stupid”. It means foolish or silly. Lately, our 5 year-old gets easily frustrated over mistakes. I told him that the Bible warns us not to be foolish, and instead be humble and willing to learn from correction. I also realize that my husband and I need to create more wonderful memories for our family to nurture our relationship. We need to let the LORD fill our love tanks to the brim so we can, in turn, nourish our son’s love tank and not dampen his confidence.

Now, “discipline”. In Latin, the word is disciplina, which also means “instruction” or “training.” I do pray that my husband and I be able to model healthy routines, how to make wise choices, and be more intentional towards achieving our goals for holistic growth.

For “wisdom” the Latin word is sapientia, meaning “knowledge” or “good judgment.” Sapientia is derived from sapere which means “to taste” or “to know”. It conveys the idea of deep knowledge or understanding. It’s knowing the right thing to do and choosing to do it, even when it’s hard.

I tried to point out some of the good things our son has done that exemplify wisdom and discipline like tidying up (we call it reset) to prepare for next day and switching to a music app when screen time is up.

2. Why Listening to Correction is Hard (but Important)

Paying attention when someone corrects us isn’t always easy—I know it’s something I still struggle with! I explained to my son that correction is really about helping us grow, not just pointing out what we did wrong.

God created us with two ears and only one mouth as a constant reminder that we ought to listen more than we speak. Here are some questions I’m considering:

• “Why do you think it’s important to listen when someone is teaching you something?”

• “What could happen if we ignore correction?”

I am hopeful that this will open up a good conversation for both of us to think about how listening can help us make better, wiser choices, even when it’s tough.

Memorizing Scripture is a powerful tool, not just for kids but for grown-ups, too. Constant repetition and recitation throughout the day can help us and our children to build a solid foundation. It’s amazing how the Book of Proverbs, 31 chapters in all, can nurture our hearts and minds towards daily wisdom-filled living.

3. Holding Wisdom in Our Hearts

To make it fun, I came up with a little melody for Proverbs 12:1 and we use “toot!” in place of “stupid” . When dealing with a moment of frustration or correction, singing it helps shift the mood towards a positive one. It’s a way to remind ourselves that loving disciplina leads to sapientia.

4. Trying to Live Out Wisdom

Sapientia isn’t just something we talk about— we try to live it out in the small moments of the day. I believe every family, whether homeschooling or not, will benefit when they make the Word of God as primary manual.

Think through these questions on how to put wisdom into practice:

• “How can we show sapientia when we don’t feel like doing our chores?”

• “What’s a wise way to respond when we’re upset or frustrated?”

I definitely don’t have it all figured out yet but I’m learning to celebrate the small wins—like when our son makes a wise choice or accepts correction with a good attitude. Or when I pause and pray to keep my inner Hulk from winning.

5. Learning Through Stories

Stories are such a great way for concepts to come alive as we connect them to real-life examples.

One such story in the Bible is when King Solomon asked God for wisdom (sapientia) (1 Kings 3:5-12). It’s a great reminder that even though we don’t always know the right thing to do, we can ask God for wisdom anytime. It’s humbling to admit my own need for correction and that I don’t always know the right thing to do, but sharing these realities with our son is a way for him to see that learning never stops.

We’re All Learners!

Wisdom is a journey, not a destination. Embracing disciplina and correction are essential to lifelong learning.

As I close, let’s revisit sapere – “to know” or “to taste”. In Psalm 34:8, we read

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Through education, we’re tasting and seeing the depth of God’s goodness and protective discipline for His children.

In pursuing what really matters, I’d like to keep things simple, and trust that God is teaching us through every challenge and success. It is wonderful that God’s Word is there to guide us—especially on those days when we both could use a little extra grace.

*The Five Core Habits of Grammar™ is one of the three major tools of the Classical Conversations curriculum.

Perfectly imperfect

“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” 2 Samuel 22:31

I am posting this not to blame, but only as an eye-opener. I realized I am messed up because I have messed up parents. I am imperfectly raised by a perfectionist mom and imperfectly loved by a perfectionist dad.

Should I let that hinder me from being the perfect parent to my son? To begin with, I will never ever be a perfect parent. No one is a perfect parent. Try as I might, whatever efforts I put in, no matter how perfect the plan (or the non-plan) is, I would fail.

So I can rest.

I can rest believing that I am perfectly loved by a perfect Heavenly Father who loves ALL OF ME, including my imperfections. He loves me in spite of my fears, my doubts and my inability and inconsistency to choose what’s best for me or my loved ones.

I may not always choose perfectly, I may not always make the right decision but I can choose to rest, to trust in His perfect peace, in His perfect love, for me.