Category Archives: Midlife

The battle in your mind.

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

Let go of people’s expectations so you can have harmony inside and out.

They say a little competition doesn’t hurt anyone; it’ll be fun, it’ll push people up.

They’re right – to some extent.

If you feel this endless desire to cast shade on someone else to lift yourself up, then you’re in trouble.

The best competition we win is not against someone else. We win best when we first win against the competition in our mind.

No wonder the Bible tells us in Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

What’s competing for your attention? Your life won’t change unless you change your thoughts first.

This, however, doesn’t apply to the identity that God gave you when He created you in your mother’s (whether biological or surrogate) womb.

No amount of therapy can change what God has designed for you when He first made you. Perhaps, in the midst of everything you’ve tried out there, His design is what you’ve been yearning for. Make a U-turn. He’s waiting.

“Your value is not in your usefulness.”

I first learned about J. S. Park thru a typewritten quote.

Chaplain and author J.S. Park’s posts resonate with me in a way that is neither hardcore nor lukewarm. His posts remind me of my humanity and how I can love people exactly for who they are, where they are, beyond any biases.

“Your value is not in your usefulness.” J.S. Park

The Crown

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

I found the answer to this in a dream.

I had a dream… I went to the Ms. Universe screening. There were a lot of candidates.

Everybody was waiting for instructions.

Then the ladies started dressing up. They said we should choose a dress. There was no official announcement but the ladies simply started preparing.

I went to the dressing room. I saw a blue dress that I liked. As I tried it on in front of the mirror, I heard Mama’s voice “Not that one, it makes you look older.”

So I returned the blue dress. All the ladies kept getting dresses, even the blue one that I liked.

Until only one dress was left. A white one. I saw it and I smiled. I liked it. It was simple yet elegant. I put it on.

I checked the stage to see whose turn it was. I lost my turn. So I’ll end up last because the screening was continual.

I would’ve been 2nd. The one ahead of me was a Korean-looking Filipina who resembled Sandara Park.

Then I chatted with another lady. I said, “Our essence is in our beauty.”

Then I saw how many candidates were there. There was just too many!

I told the lady I was chatting with, “I like how they organized it this time. Cluster by cluster. Before, it was too crowded and the lines were too long.”

Then I asked the Korean-looking girl, “Are you done?”

She replied curtly, “I’m not finished yet.”

Then there was an announcement. “Pack up!”

Many girls reacted and expressed their disbelief. Why did it end so soon? Many ladies haven’t been screened yet.

But I didn’t join the commotion. I was chill.

I was quiet. Relaxed. Calm. In my mind I said, “What a waste.”

When everything got quiet and there were no more people, I went up to the stage, still wearing the white dress.

I practiced walking. I started giving a speech.

“We must be careful that when we lend our voices to the voiceless, that we don’t lose our own. We must be bold enough to stand up for the truth, and speak it, even when it hurts. We respect the dignity of every human being when we lovingly remind them of God’s design.”

#becomingBubba, March 7, 2023

The stage lit up again! There were a lot of people! Applause! Then I was crowned.

“Receive your crown. Wear it high. You earned it.”

Then I woke up.