Christianity – ancore!

Love clarifies.

While humility and mutual accountability are essential, it is crucial to “put your hope in God” FIRST.

Not humans.

Not institutions.

Not programs.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions and how you choose to live your life.

I understand this one thing about the algorithm: every like, every comment, every article, every second you spend on the videos or reels that pass your timeline, create patterns.

Your rants, your raves, your highlights, every one of those are stored.

I admire how one married celebrity shared that she and her husband separated for 6 months but nobody knew. THAT is a superpower.

What is more noteworthy is the fact that even when they separated, neither of them dated other people.

When they got back together for the sake of their child, they both admitted they had “no feelings” for each other anymore. Yet they decided to try again.

Today their marriage is much, much better. She’s humble enough to attribute it to the LORD – not because of a support group or any human being.

Don’t get me wrong. Sharing accountability, fellowship, and giving others the opportunity to bear your burdens with you is God’s design for His church.

However, will the people you share your burdens with truly pray for you? Or will they simply prey on your vulnerability?

The Bible says “Love protects”; “A wife must not separate from her husband”; “God hates divorce.”

How does a married person obey God when it becomes painful to stay?

If your marriage feels heavy today yet you desire to obey God, to “remain in Him”, this is for you.

If you’re feeling unloved, tired, unseen, unappreciated, disrespected, neglected and you think being away from your spouse, even temporarily, would help, this is for you.

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Pray FIRST. Then talk with your spouse.

Not your bestie.

Not your churchmates.

Not your family of origin.

Not your children.

And certainly not your in-laws.

Your spouse IS your primary accountability partner. Pray for each other, pray with each other. Communicate.

NEVER disclose your marital issues to anyone outside of it, especially on the internet space because the devil feasts on the algorithm.

Protect your spouse even when you’re annoyed. Zip your lips when you have nothing good to say about him or her. Your husband or your wife is NOT your enemy.

Put your hope in God! In Him, you never have to suffer alone.

God’s love protects you. His love disciplines you. His love never fails and His love clarifies His design: what God has put together, let no man separate.

Let’s pray.

Father God, when our marriage feels more like a bed of nails than a bed of roses, help us to trust that You have called us to keep our marriage bed pure and undefiled.

We acknowledge that You have put us together for Your purpose and Your glory. Protect us from pride and deceit and help us to love each other as You love us: faithfully, unconditionally, wholeheartedly. Though it’s a bit blurry, may our marriage be a picture of your covenant-keeping love with Your people. Help us to be humble. Help us to trust and serve each other, and may our children see, know and love Jesus through our lives. Your faithful love endures forever, Father God. Help us to enjoy Your love together. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Come Holy Spirit. Amen.

The Who

Pontius Pilate asked Jesus, “What is truth?”

He listened. And he also went on to wash his hands off of Jesus’ sentence. And, as if for his own benefit, he put the sign over Jesus’ head to proclaim that Jesus is the King of the Jews.

Truth-seeker, as you listen, remember that your silence or passivity puts you in the crowd who picked to free Barrabas over Jesus and sentenced Jesus shouting “Crucify him!”

Let this be a gentle reminder that you are a sinner, too, and Jesus died for you. Yes, even you. And that you who know the Truth have a moral obligation to tell people…

…that Truth isn’t a What but a Who.

Who is Jesus to you?

What do I know?

How do you keep your rational or thinking brain more active than your emotional brain? It’s a question I find myself pondering often, especially as I navigate the world of homeschooling and holistic growth.

As new parents in Classical Conversations, my husband and I are on a journey to raise our son in the classical way, fostering his love for learning in a supportive community. We aim to build Godly character and cultivate our son’s musical interests while building a strong foundation in history, math, science, arts, geography, and languages.

As an emotional, process-driven person, I often grapple with people-pleasing tendencies and the desire to fit in. It’s a struggle to consciously allow my rational thoughts to override my emotions.

A Bit of Clean Humor

My husband and I have come to a sort of agreement about ourselves: we’re kind of “misfits.” I like to think of us as knights-in-being-polished-armors. We feel comfortable being ‘commoners,’ and we don’t blend in with the royalty. Somehow, there were times we found ourselves unfit to fit in even among misfits. (Crickets chirping.)

But God.

Despite our social quirks, we embrace our uniqueness. We often find ourselves in situations where we want to engage but feel that familiar awkwardness creeping in. I’ve overcome people-pleasing tendencies in the past—I learned to be respectful without being overly concerned about others’ opinions. But like many things in life, I’ve regressed a bit.

What Would Jesus Do?

In a world that often rushes to speak, I look to Jesus as our ultimate example of how to engage in conversation. He was a master communicator—always ready to teach but equally willing to listen.

Jesus asked questions that sparked dialogue, inviting others to share their thoughts and feelings. He listened intently, demonstrating that every person’s voice matters. Whether it was a Samaritan woman at a well or a blind man seeking healing, He engaged with them personally, showing love and compassion through His presence and attention. He even engaged those who opposed Him!

Five Habits of Grammar

To support our conversations and understanding, allow me to practice the five habits of grammar: Naming, Attending, Memorizing, Expressing, and Storytelling.

1. Naming

I need to identify and articulate my feelings and thoughts during conversations. Am I seeking validation, understanding, or simply a connection? By naming my emotions, I can better understand my motivations and approach interactions more attentively.

2. Attending

The Latin word for “attend” is “attendere,” meaning to give attention to, heed, or focus on something. This involves being fully present and engaged with my son and others, setting aside distractions to truly listen.

During my son’s first face-to-face presentation, he started strong but got distracted, leading to a shortened presentation. Nevertheless, he insisted on finishing, showcasing his determination to share his thoughts. This reminded me of the importance of being engaged, especially in front of an audience.

I took my son for a walk in the park to avoid disrupting other learners. This highlighted the need to intentionally make time for nature walks and outdoor activities, which enhance our conversations, deepen our connections, and harness the huuuge energy of our little learner.

3. Memorizing

Remembering key lessons from conversations can help deepen our connections. I want to recall moments that have impacted me or my son, using them to reinforce the values of listening and understanding in our daily lives.

4. Expressing

I need to create a safe space within myself to share my thoughts and feelings while welcoming others. Without dampening my son’s confidence or altering his uniqueness, I need grace to balance my desire to be heard with the encouragement for him to share his voice.

5. Storytelling

Sharing our experiences can build connections and empathy. I want to tell stories that illustrate the importance of listening and understanding, both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. How can I encourage my son to share his stories and learn from others’ experiences, too?

The Lens of Scripture

James 1:19 (ESV): “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

This verse reminds me of the importance of listening more than I speak. Being quick to hear allows me to understand others better and respond thoughtfully. Jesus exemplified this through His interactions, always prioritizing the needs and thoughts of those He interacted with. He demonstrated patience and understanding, teaching me to approach conversations with love and humility.

As I navigate my journey of engaging with others, I want to embody this principle. I need to focus on truly listening to my son, my husband, and those in our community. While I have a need to be heard and understood—an essential part of my emotional growth—I also recognize the importance of guiding my child in developing effective listening skills.

By being slow to speak and slow to anger, I can foster an environment where genuine conversations flourish. This means setting aside my own thoughts and distractions to fully engage with those around me, just as Jesus did.

Let’s check on these three guide questions:

1. How can I practice active listening in my conversations this week while also ensuring my own voice is heard?

2. What specific distractions do I need to set aside to be more present during interactions with my son?

3. How can I model the balance of listening and expressing myself to guide my child in developing his listening skills?

In our journey of parenting and holistic growth, I’m learning to allow Jesus to fill my needs to cultivate relationships effectively. By reflecting on His example and applying the five habits of grammar, I aim to create an environment for my family and I to express ourselves and connect with others. This fosters intentional listening and engaging conversations, nurturing our love for learning and communication in a continuous cycle that strengthens our relationships and deepens our faith.

Let’s pray.

Father God, You are not slow in keeping Your promises. You are patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but for everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Please enable me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, specially in our family. Teach me to express my own thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can reflect Your grace in my interactions, creating a space where both I and those around me feel heard and valued. In Jesus’ name. Amen.