Relationships – Page 2

What do I know?

How do you keep your rational or thinking brain more active than your emotional brain? It’s a question I find myself pondering often, especially as I navigate the world of homeschooling and holistic growth.

As new parents in Classical Conversations, my husband and I are on a journey to raise our son in the classical way, fostering his love for learning in a supportive community. We aim to build Godly character and cultivate our son’s musical interests while building a strong foundation in history, math, science, arts, geography, and languages.

As an emotional, process-driven person, I often grapple with people-pleasing tendencies and the desire to fit in. It’s a struggle to consciously allow my rational thoughts to override my emotions.

A Bit of Clean Humor

My husband and I have come to a sort of agreement about ourselves: we’re kind of “misfits.” I like to think of us as knights-in-being-polished-armors. We feel comfortable being ‘commoners,’ and we don’t blend in with the royalty. Somehow, there were times we found ourselves unfit to fit in even among misfits. (Crickets chirping.)

But God.

Despite our social quirks, we embrace our uniqueness. We often find ourselves in situations where we want to engage but feel that familiar awkwardness creeping in. I’ve overcome people-pleasing tendencies in the past—I learned to be respectful without being overly concerned about others’ opinions. But like many things in life, I’ve regressed a bit.

What Would Jesus Do?

In a world that often rushes to speak, I look to Jesus as our ultimate example of how to engage in conversation. He was a master communicator—always ready to teach but equally willing to listen.

Jesus asked questions that sparked dialogue, inviting others to share their thoughts and feelings. He listened intently, demonstrating that every person’s voice matters. Whether it was a Samaritan woman at a well or a blind man seeking healing, He engaged with them personally, showing love and compassion through His presence and attention. He even engaged those who opposed Him!

Five Habits of Grammar

To support our conversations and understanding, allow me to practice the five habits of grammar: Naming, Attending, Memorizing, Expressing, and Storytelling.

1. Naming

I need to identify and articulate my feelings and thoughts during conversations. Am I seeking validation, understanding, or simply a connection? By naming my emotions, I can better understand my motivations and approach interactions more attentively.

2. Attending

The Latin word for “attend” is “attendere,” meaning to give attention to, heed, or focus on something. This involves being fully present and engaged with my son and others, setting aside distractions to truly listen.

During my son’s first face-to-face presentation, he started strong but got distracted, leading to a shortened presentation. Nevertheless, he insisted on finishing, showcasing his determination to share his thoughts. This reminded me of the importance of being engaged, especially in front of an audience.

I took my son for a walk in the park to avoid disrupting other learners. This highlighted the need to intentionally make time for nature walks and outdoor activities, which enhance our conversations, deepen our connections, and harness the huuuge energy of our little learner.

3. Memorizing

Remembering key lessons from conversations can help deepen our connections. I want to recall moments that have impacted me or my son, using them to reinforce the values of listening and understanding in our daily lives.

4. Expressing

I need to create a safe space within myself to share my thoughts and feelings while welcoming others. Without dampening my son’s confidence or altering his uniqueness, I need grace to balance my desire to be heard with the encouragement for him to share his voice.

5. Storytelling

Sharing our experiences can build connections and empathy. I want to tell stories that illustrate the importance of listening and understanding, both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. How can I encourage my son to share his stories and learn from others’ experiences, too?

The Lens of Scripture

James 1:19 (ESV): “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

This verse reminds me of the importance of listening more than I speak. Being quick to hear allows me to understand others better and respond thoughtfully. Jesus exemplified this through His interactions, always prioritizing the needs and thoughts of those He interacted with. He demonstrated patience and understanding, teaching me to approach conversations with love and humility.

As I navigate my journey of engaging with others, I want to embody this principle. I need to focus on truly listening to my son, my husband, and those in our community. While I have a need to be heard and understood—an essential part of my emotional growth—I also recognize the importance of guiding my child in developing effective listening skills.

By being slow to speak and slow to anger, I can foster an environment where genuine conversations flourish. This means setting aside my own thoughts and distractions to fully engage with those around me, just as Jesus did.

Let’s check on these three guide questions:

1. How can I practice active listening in my conversations this week while also ensuring my own voice is heard?

2. What specific distractions do I need to set aside to be more present during interactions with my son?

3. How can I model the balance of listening and expressing myself to guide my child in developing his listening skills?

In our journey of parenting and holistic growth, I’m learning to allow Jesus to fill my needs to cultivate relationships effectively. By reflecting on His example and applying the five habits of grammar, I aim to create an environment for my family and I to express ourselves and connect with others. This fosters intentional listening and engaging conversations, nurturing our love for learning and communication in a continuous cycle that strengthens our relationships and deepens our faith.

Let’s pray.

Father God, You are not slow in keeping Your promises. You are patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but for everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Please enable me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, specially in our family. Teach me to express my own thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can reflect Your grace in my interactions, creating a space where both I and those around me feel heard and valued. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

What to Talk About: Polite Conversation Starters and the model of Jesus

Ever wish you could easily spark a fun conversation? I do! With a few simple starters, we can turn any gathering into a joyful connection!

Here are safe topics in any environment:

1. Hobbies and Interests – Ask about books, movies, gardening, crafts, or other leisure activities. “What hobbies do you enjoy in your free time?” “Which good book or great movie do you recommend?”

2. Travel – Share experiences or ask about favorite destinations, travel tips, or future plans. “What’s the best vacation you’ve ever had?” “What’s the top destination in your travel bucket list?”

3. Food – Discuss favorite recipes, local restaurants, or culinary adventures. “What’s your favorite dish to cook or eat?” “Have you discovered any new restaurants or recipes recently? What’s a recipe you’d like to try?”

4. Family Activities – Talk about fun activities you do with your family or ask about theirs. “What’s a fun activity your family likes to do together?” “Do you have any family traditions that you cherish? Which one would you like to start?”

5. Current Events – Discuss non-controversial news stories or events, like community happenings or cultural events.“Which community event have you joined recently?” “What’s a positive or funny news story you’ve come across lately?”

6. Pets and Animals – Share stories about pets or ask about their experiences with animals. “Do you have any pets? What are their names? What kind of pet would you like to have?” “What’s the funniest thing your pet has ever done?”

7. Home Improvement – Exchange tips on home projects, gardening, or DIY ideas. “Are you working on any home improvement projects right now? Which project are you considering to start?” “What’s your favorite home improvement hack?”

8. Local Attractions – Discuss interesting places to visit in the area, such as parks, museums, or festivals. “Have you visited any new places in the area recently? Where would you like to visit?” “What’s your favorite local spot to relax or have fun?”

These topics are generally more enjoyable and can help foster connections without the risk of discomfort.

On the flip side – unless you’re with close friends or people in your circle of trust – avoid these like the plague:

1. Politics – Opinions can clash quickly, leading to uncomfortable conversations.

2. Religion – While faith can be a beautiful topic, it can also lead to deep divides if not approached carefully.

3. Personal finances – Questions about income or spending habits can feel intrusive and create discomfort.

4. Personal Relationships – Questions about someone’s marital status, dating life, or family issues can feel invasive. Talking about exes can stir up old emotions or lead to comparisons, making others uneasy.

5. Health Issues – Discussing personal health problems or medical conditions can make others uncomfortable.

6. Controversial Issues – Topics like abortion, gun control, and social justice can spark strong emotions and disagreements. Debates on issues like climate change or social justice can ignite passionate disagreements, making conversations tense.

What would Jesus do?

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” — Colossians 4:6 (NIV)

Communication is a vital part of our daily interactions, and for those of us who identify as followers of Christ, we are called to reflect His love and grace in our conversations. Jesus exemplified perfect communication, engaging with people in ways that were both polite and meaningful. He knew how to approach every situation with wisdom and kindness, making those around Him feel valued and understood.

Jesus as Our Model

1. Empathy in Conversation:

Jesus often took the time to listen and understand those He interacted with. Whether it was the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4) or the blind man (Mark 10:46-52), He engaged them with genuine interest. We can follow His example by asking about others’ interests, sharing thoughts on hobbies, and exploring their experiences.

• Starter: “What hobbies do you enjoy in your free time?”

2. Building Relationships:

Jesus built relationships with those around Him, often sharing meals and time together. He demonstrated that conversation can foster connection. We can ask about family activities, traditions, and shared interests to strengthen our relationships.

• Starter: “What’s a fun activity your family likes to do together?”

3. Promoting Positivity:

Jesus spoke words of encouragement and hope. He focused on uplifting those around Him. We can incorporate positive news or light-hearted stories in our conversations to create an uplifting atmosphere.

• Starter: “Have you heard about any interesting events happening in the community?”

4. Celebrating Creation:

Jesus often used nature in His teachings, showing appreciation for God’s creation. We can admire the beauty around us by discussing local attractions or favorite outdoor spots.

• Starter: “What’s your favorite local spot to relax or have fun?”

As we interact with others, we can be intentional about our conversations the way Jesus did. Let’s engage others with humility, genuine curiosity and kindness. Remember LOVE: Listen as you Observe and when you Verbalize, Empathize. We can choose topics that bring joy and connection, helping others feel seen and heard.

Let’s pray.

Father God, thank You for the gift of communication. Help me to reflect Your love in my conversations. Give me the wisdom to choose words that encourage and uplift others. May my interactions be full of grace, just as You have shown me. In Jesus’ sweet name, Amen.

Bring your kids to Jesus

Some people brought their small children to Jesus so he could touch them. But his followers told the people to stop bringing their children to him.

When Jesus saw this, he was displeased. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them. The kingdom of God belongs to people who are like these little children. I tell you the truth. You must accept the kingdom of God as a little child accepts things, or you will never enter it.” Then Jesus took the children in his arms. He put his hands on them and blessed them.
Mark 10:13‭-‬16 ICB https://bible.com/bible/1359/mrk.10.13-16.ICB

Note to self. God hasn’t called you to keep looking over your shoulder and see how other parents or experts are raising their kids.

While it helps to listen and glean from the wisdom of those who have “been there, done that” with exemplary results, God’s purpose for your children – and your family – is as unique as your fingerprints.

Raise your son not as a mini version of you – he isn’t, he shouldn’t be – but as God has designed him to be.

Children don’t come with operating manuals because they’re not supposed to be mechanical.
becomingBubba

Children don’t come with operating manuals because they’re not supposed to be mechanical.

Bring your son to Jesus, not just Sunday School! Pray for him, for yourself, for your family.

Pray WITH him. Oh, let him pray un-memorized prayers, prayers from his heart! Let him exercise his faith muscles.

Let him see in your life how real God is, that His love is tangible, His love comes softly, His love is gentle.

Let him experience God’s undivided attention, His listening heart, His compassion, His courage.

Let him know that God is saddened and angered by sin, that He disciplines those who are His and that the freedom He gives frees you to be good people, to do good deeds, not wayward ones.

Discipline. Disciple. Do you see it?

Whether you’re happily married or a solo parent, if you are in Christ, the Holy Spirit IS your partner in parenting. You are not alone!

Protect your children, by all means, protect them from the ways of the world and trends that bend the truth!

“Jesus IS the Way, the Truth and the Life,” is more than just a memory verse. It is foundational – for you, your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Rest in the Truth that, indeed, you and your children are not your own. You belong to Jesus. Bring your kids to Jesus!

Bring yourself, too.