Marriage – ancore!

Love clarifies.

While humility and mutual accountability are essential, it is crucial to “put your hope in God” FIRST.

Not humans.

Not institutions.

Not programs.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions and how you choose to live your life.

I understand this one thing about the algorithm: every like, every comment, every article, every second you spend on the videos or reels that pass your timeline, create patterns.

Your rants, your raves, your highlights, every one of those are stored.

I admire how one married celebrity shared that she and her husband separated for 6 months but nobody knew. THAT is a superpower.

What is more noteworthy is the fact that even when they separated, neither of them dated other people.

When they got back together for the sake of their child, they both admitted they had “no feelings” for each other anymore. Yet they decided to try again.

Today their marriage is much, much better. She’s humble enough to attribute it to the LORD – not because of a support group or any human being.

Don’t get me wrong. Sharing accountability, fellowship, and giving others the opportunity to bear your burdens with you is God’s design for His church.

However, will the people you share your burdens with truly pray for you? Or will they simply prey on your vulnerability?

The Bible says “Love protects”; “A wife must not separate from her husband”; “God hates divorce.”

How does a married person obey God when it becomes painful to stay?

If your marriage feels heavy today yet you desire to obey God, to “remain in Him”, this is for you.

If you’re feeling unloved, tired, unseen, unappreciated, disrespected, neglected and you think being away from your spouse, even temporarily, would help, this is for you.

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Pray FIRST. Then talk with your spouse.

Not your bestie.

Not your churchmates.

Not your family of origin.

Not your children.

And certainly not your in-laws.

Your spouse IS your primary accountability partner. Pray for each other, pray with each other. Communicate.

NEVER disclose your marital issues to anyone outside of it, especially on the internet space because the devil feasts on the algorithm.

Protect your spouse even when you’re annoyed. Zip your lips when you have nothing good to say about him or her. Your husband or your wife is NOT your enemy.

Put your hope in God! In Him, you never have to suffer alone.

God’s love protects you. His love disciplines you. His love never fails and His love clarifies His design: what God has put together, let no man separate.

Let’s pray.

Father God, when our marriage feels more like a bed of nails than a bed of roses, help us to trust that You have called us to keep our marriage bed pure and undefiled.

We acknowledge that You have put us together for Your purpose and Your glory. Protect us from pride and deceit and help us to love each other as You love us: faithfully, unconditionally, wholeheartedly. Though it’s a bit blurry, may our marriage be a picture of your covenant-keeping love with Your people. Help us to be humble. Help us to trust and serve each other, and may our children see, know and love Jesus through our lives. Your faithful love endures forever, Father God. Help us to enjoy Your love together. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Come Holy Spirit. Amen.

The Wiggle Room

As I watched my six-year-old wiggle through kids’ church yesterday, I saw God’s love in action—His rules paired with grace create a “wiggle room” where we can grow. Allow me to boast in the LORD whose faithfulness has always been my portion.

Grateful for People
I’m blessed and honored to have mutual follows with some of the best REAL people on X. My account is small so if you’re following me on X or other platforms and reading this, know that I’m eternally grateful for you. I’m choosing not to stress about any algorithm or trend. Years ago, a painful experience taught me that God is easier to please than people and when I prioritize pleasing Him instead, life becomes pleasantly peaceful.

God’s Order in Christian Parenting
Fast forward to October 19, 2025, a Sunday. I was with my husband, our six-year-old son, and one of my sisters in the worship hall for the 6pm service. My mom was cheerfully serving as an usher at the doors.

Earlier, I watched my son in the 3pm kids’ church from a distance. He was all over the place—running, jumping from mat to mat, playing with other boys. Yet, for a good part of the program, he sat on the mat, listened, obeyed instructions, watched the live Bible story on stage, and answered pop-quiz Bible questions with other kids aged 6 and up. I smiled as he raised his hand a number of times to ask questions or to be allowed to speak.

How do you handle a group of kids needing bathroom breaks while still meeting a learning goal? I observed a Lifeshaper as she prepared to take my son and other kids to an area outside the hall. She handed them a flat rope with rings and let each kid hold onto a ring to stay with the group. With each step, she literally walked them through the day’s big idea (“God helps me to bless others”) and memory verse: “My body and my mind may become weak, but God is my strength. He is mine forever” (Psalm 73:26 ICB). She sat them in a circle and gave clear instructions to go one at a time. My son waited patiently for his turn. It seemed a bit too long but, thankfully, he was able to hold it in.

I don’t love rules, yet as a parent, I’m a stickler for order. I’ve learned that rules and order go hand-in-hand. Without clear rules, there’s no semblance of order. God is a God of order and peace, and His rules are given out of love—to protect us, not restrict us; to nurture our free will, not suppress it; not only for aesthetics but fully for His glory.

Wiggle Room of God’s Love
I get frustrated when people disobey rules, but the older I get, the more I see that humanity benefits with a bit of wiggle room. That wiggle room is called love. Watching the Lifeshaper lovingly create space for the kids to learn and grow, I knew there’s something my family and I must do. (More on this in a future post, Lord-willing.)

During the 6pm service, we stood together. One of the songs, “Stand Strong” is memorable for me as my husband and I sang with our hands entwined, arms raised in worship to our God. That wasn’t something we normally do as a couple. By God’s grace, we weren’t campaigning—we were championing something bigger than ourselves. We’re championing each other as co-heirs in God’s Kingdom. We’re championing marriage as God designed it, tearing down idols, breaking unhealthy cycles, and pruning dysfunctions. We’re two imperfect people championing the perfect cause of Christ down the line. We don’t have millions of followers or net worth, but we have a mustard seed of faith planted in our hearts. That’s more than enough for us to persevere, as my life verse reminds me:

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14 ESV)

A Legacy of Faith
Years ago, when I was a volunteer in kids’ church, a guy gave me a poster with this verse: “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” (1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV)

I’ve long lost that poster, but the guy who gave me that poster is now my husband of nearly 13 years. On top of the pounds and grey hairs we’re gaining, we have Christ. We have a son growing in Christ, a Mama serving Christ, and families getting to know Christ. And, yes, we have a lot of wiggle room in Christ. We’ll keep pressing on, working hard, and persevering. In between and along the way, we’ll make time for rest and play.

Thank you for reading! Where is God giving you “wiggle room” to grow in faith right now? Share your thoughts in the comments below or tag me on X when you do. Shabbat Shalom!

On Running and Marriage

Running has always given me a sense of accomplishment. It fuels my inner drive to go for just one more mile, one more step… and some more.

I thought marriage would fully unleash the athlete in me but I was mistaken – at least for the past 10 years. Marriage revealed the sloth.

Marriage IS a gift, it is a wonderful thing but it takes hardwork. The thing is, I don’t always like hardwork. However, in completing a marathon and making a marriage last, perseverance is key. Discipline is necessary.

I am skeptical of married couples who say they “don’t fight.” If you don’t fight then how can you and your spouse grow, not just go, through conlict?

You can go through conflict, sweep it under the rug and pretend that it doesn’t exist. You know, keep the peace… then divorce later?

Or you can grow through the conflict, confront your own demons, work together, and keep love aglow until ever after. Or something like that.

Conflict brought about by a married couple’s differences are not meant to be conciliatory. They’re meant to be complementary.
– ancore!

My marriage is teaching me (among many other things) that happiness is a choice I can make everyday.

I can choose to be happy regardless of who (or “what”) I’m married to. I can choose to complement and compliment my husband specially when it’s most challenging to do so.

I was single and happy when I completed my first half marathon. I thought if I got married, it’ll double the fun. Thankfully, I am not 100% wrong.

Word to the wise: if you’re not happy being single (or running alone), don’t get married. You won’t get any happier when you tie the knot. Just tie your shoelaces and keep running.

Oneness in marriage is not about codependency. It’s about not losing who you are as you work (should you decide to work) through your differences.

Oneness in marriage is like putting on a pair of marathon shoes that will weather all terrains. I can’t change shoes (or carry an extra pair) when I run a marathon, can I?

“Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.”
1 Timothy 4:8 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/1ti.4.8.NLT

May I persevere as marriage trains me towards godliness.